please

Please take my hand
look into my eyes
and listen to what I have to say
try and understand
try to feel what I feel
try and imagine the pain
the love
imagine it all
the good the bad
the hurt the regret
become apart of me
make me feel like iv'e known you all my life
like we are meant to be together
show me that your mine
prove to me that this is real
make me beleive you when you hold me tight and whisper in my ear that you'll love me forever
I need to know that you won't let go
please make me feel like this is worth it
like we are more than just tonight
promise me your the one
show me we are one

fade away

Can you feel how things have changed? 
how our love is so distant and strange?
I know I loved you once but I don't feel the same.
I feel anger and rage
i'm in so much pain
I want to try and remember
all our dreams
all our plans
but everythings down the drain
and its such a shame
we could have been so much
could have loved so much
but we let it all slip away
you didn't love me like you should
or treat me like you should
I know iv'e done wrong
but I know i didn't leave scars like the ones you left on me
now I just lie her and wait for it to all fade

random story

"Linzey"  A distant voice called "Linzey" Linzey" I stuggled to open my eyes but there was nothing but blackness the voice continued to call.  "Do you know where you are?" It asked,  like it knew something I didn't.  When I could finally open my eyes I realized the voice did know something I did not and the voice wasn't just any voice,  it was that of Dr. Greggory Hoff, My physcologist.   I studied my  surrounding white walls, white ceiling, white floor, and of course the I.V that was taped into my arm and the outstandingly uncomfortable hospital bed that I was occupying for a reason I was currenty unaware of.   
       I didn't bother struggling,  I had been here once before
"do you know who I am?" Dr.Hoff questioned    I starred for a moment taking everything in. Dr hoff was a tall slight man with a short gray beard and thick gray hair he was wearing green scrubs over the usual black suit and tie.  There was a woman standing beside him she had black hair and dark skin, she wasn't to thin much shorter than Dr.hoff.  She held a clip board and a pen in her hand her hair was pulled back and her name tag read Daniel (nurse).  I lied still my whole body ached.  "I know who you are Greggory"  The words came out of my mouth like nails on a chalk board.  My voice was raspy and cold,  my voice wasn't mine.   My blood ran cold
not this again not now I pleaded.  But he didn't care'  I felt a sharp pain in my head like someone stuck a needle through my brain and everything went black. 

shadows

Iv'e been wonding why I havn't written much, like i did when I was living in hanover.  Then I realized my wrintings took place during the weakest moments in my life, times when I felt hurt and lost.  I don't have those feelings anymore, thats why I don't write.  I feel stronger than I ever have, I feel whole.  There's finally a reason for everything i'm doing, I'm not just wasting my time.  I am working towards my future, building it step by step.  I no longer feel broken, I can put the past behind me and finally move forward towards a happy healthy life with the man I love.  I couldn't be happier:

competition

What's the point in acomplishing anything that someone else gets credit for..  You build your self up for that moment, practice the lines so they'll give it to you and just when you got it you find out you never really had it at all.
Everythings a competition with her.  She always has to be better and if I do do something better she'll take the moment away just like that with one of her stories or excuses.  I just wish she would leave me alone.  It's odd to dislike someone realted to you so strongly but I really do despise her and most everything she does.

Fear lies in the eyes of she who is in love,

Fear lies in the eyes of she who is in love!
I beleive that allowing yourself to love someone takes more courage than anything,  putting your heart on the line like that is so much harder then anything even imaginable.  Trusting someone to love you back is something I find soo hard to do...  Everytime I have given in and allowed someone even a fraction of love they never returned it in the same way,  Iv'e had my heart broken twice and Have been hurt by almost all of my family and friends including my mother and sister..  So after all this I find myself asking "is it worth it"   Loving someone knowing someday that love will end rather its by death or lies anything or any reason could and will someday end the love you share with somebody!
Nobody ever seems to tell the truth,  atleast not the whole truth I always find things out by going online or talking to friends about other people.   Information never seems to come right from the source and when that happens it leaves me thinking, "what else isn't he telling me"... My biggest fear is having my heart broken again!  Every break up every relationship my feeling get stronger but so does my fear..  Love is on of this lifes most wonderful things and I have found myself praying to god many many times asking, begging that he let me hold onto it,  That he give me and the one I love the strength and knowledge to stick it out and make it through so that we may someday have a happy healthy life together.  God hasn't allowed me that privledge yet and I'm not sure why and i;m terrified to find out..