knife

I always knew it wouldn't matter in the end.  How I felt or How you Felt.  It all just felt like a waste of time but I let myself beleive what you were telling me.  I listened and held on to every word you spoke and I beleived you. With all my heart I beleived you!  I know it was a mistake and I was willing to let it go when I found out what was going on. but after everything you've said. Aftrer everything we have talked about. and even though I never let me guard down for an instant. You still managed to hurt me.  I didn't think you could, I didn't know you had this much of a hold over me.  But to stab me in the back like you did and then to go and play nice just to do it again. What kind of person does that to someone?  Rather you loved me or not how could you do that to anyone?  I know I said things I shouldn't have but when someones coming at you with a knife its only instinct to strike back.  I would have been there for you no matter what.  I never wanted anything in return, never wanted you to leave her for my friendship.  I never asked anything of you and you still treat me like this.   Your life is the way it is by your own making.  you need to do something about it or die wollowing in your own self pitty....

speaking my mind

I told you how I felt and I know you feel it was too late but I didn't mean it the way it seemed.  I wanted to be there for you I never meant to push so hard but you were throwing your life away and I hated watching you hate your life.  I know how it seems but I was there for you if you needed me you just chose not to care. Your familys more important than I am but I was there first you told me the truth only to cover it up with lies and make me out to be a liar.  You promised me that she was lying but you lured me into a trap and set me on fire.  I didn't mean the things I said but the words you were using the games you chose to play they caught me off guard I never expected you to stab me in the back I never excpected you to turn.  I know your afraid but you can't let fear gain control your emotions have led you to a dead end but you can always turn around..   I'm not saying it won't be hard it will  but what other choice do you have unless you plan to fall to your knees and admit defeat.  I loved you as a friend I wanted to know you but most importantly I wanted to help you.  You ran away when you were surrounded by so many poeple who loved you and I have searched for the reason why but only you know. Only you know why you have treated me the way you have when I have been nothing but good to you until you pushed me off the edge.  I told you that I cared that I was sorry for the things that have gone wrong but i'm not the one who turned my back, i'm not the one who is lying.  It's you....  Its always been you